8-12-22
"Connect yourself to others who will mirror for you the ways in which you are stuck."
Thinking it would be nice to try turning drawing into a meditative practice of sorts? One of the reasons I came to dread the activity a little is how I associated my self-worth and identity to my art skills and shortcomings since childhood. If I can relax by churning out a little picture out of my mind while listening to a podcast, it would be quite enjoyable I think...
25-10-22
Realizing that 1. I often get caught up in hesitations around how I should present the content of what's in my head, what to expose from it and the form it should take, and 2. that it isn't necessarily a superficial pursuit, but a much wider and stimulating question, for after all, the format is intrinsically linked to the content it presents, or more precisely, there probably isn't much of a divide between the two.
21-10-22
Listening to a psychiatrist's interview, he stated that on average, a person in a state of rage identifies so much with what they're feeling that they wouldn't get the thought of "wanting to write a symphony about rage" right in the middle of their fit. Would you? I feel like I could, and have had similar ideas rather often, though! Wonder what this says about me...
17-10-22
To me, Song of Saya is an ode to the fluidity and responsiveness of life and reality.
I bet Heraclites would have enjoyed it... As for me, it's the kind of rather short story that will stay with me for a long time!
16-10-22
Last night, I dreamt I went to some outing with friends and friends-of-friends, some of which I have complicated feelings towards, but in the dream, we talked a lot and had fun, and I suppose that's the way a part of myself is trying to sort things out and make me see things in a softer, more indulgent way towards people who are different from me...
Lately, I've been trying to reflect a lot on myself, my thought patterns and logic, and it obviously led to attempting to "better myself", and while I'm convinced working on your mental health and inner equilibrium is always a wise pursuit to engage in, it's a step taken not only for yourself, but for improving your environment and the lives of people around you! But it has also been feeling a bit punishing - even though it's my choice to function this way! -, attempting to constantly be irreprochable, and felt kinda like a full-time job... Ultimately, I'm afraid I'm always going to have blindspots, but this awareness is a little too permanently concerning to me. So... I am reflecting upon the fact that I may be reflecting too much? Yep.
12-03-2021
I never realized to which extent I felt stifled with the current state of the web communities. Having control over every part of this site (almost)(and with my limited knowledge) feels great. And for the first time in a long time, shouting into the void feels like an...almost positive thing? Well it's the beginning of creating something, and there's no pressure to be seen and feeling of failure if you don't. Which is what the beginning stage of creating something should feel like.
I know I am at least a little bit seen though, because some of you started following me! So hello and welcome. Hope this little website will bring you a little bit of joy, or entertainment. I should be working on adding a gallery soon, and other fun pages! Maybe I'll add a shoutbox, or a guestbook, or a comments widget, whichever you cool kids at neocities like these days. Blink twice if you're interested.
04-03-2021
I'm writing this as I just created the site and there is absolutely no css, because I am impatient to test this and get it going.
At the very beginning of the year, there was a post going around Twitter that went like take back the world wide web and bring back personal websites and webrings to share your friends' content, and something immediately clicked in my head. I miss the internet without the algorithms deciding what you are going to be able to see - and what will be easy to access - and being able to carve out your little corner of this madness and personalize it.
I am known to delete and remake accounts and feel sort of? uncomfortable with the idea of an online presence and image, and I wanna see if I can be the kind of person who's earnest enough to manage something that can get as personal as a... personal website? I can't tell if the diary is going to be a remaining feature, or how personal it will get though, but I started journaling a bit this year and it's helping me find more clarity so... we'll see how this goes.
For now I am mostly excited to collect absurd, ugly things across the internets that truly resonate with my soul to put on here.
